The Motherload: Part 1 of the War Zone: Peacekeeping in toddler occupied territories

Negotiation with a toddler is more challenging than any 24- hour corporate transaction I’ve ever worked on.

Reaching a settlement with these little rugrats ins near impossible and no amount of reading material on the subject can glean any possible peaceful solutions because each toddler comes armed with his or her own unique artillery.  Some bite, some pull hair, some hit and won’t share their toys – and the really skilled ones, well they come armed with all of the above!  Sometimes it feels like nothing in the world can get my toddler to cease and desist.  I have tried to be patient, I really have, my parents and husband tell me all the time to calm down (which I detest hearing!) It’s just so hard because simple issues are so incredibly difficult to get through I sometimes feel myself giving in and either losing it completely or doing absolutely nothing, for a shot while, so that I can gather my composure, wipe my sweaty brow and devise a game plan to get the better of the little terror-ist!  I challenge any grandparent or husband to just 1 day with my 2-year-old and 9 month old – I reckon they would drop dead before the showdown at sundown which comes with a nightmarish dose of 2 bath times, 2 dinner times and 2 bed times!!

As soon as Aiden turned 2 I pretty much realised that absolutely everything was going to be struggle requiring some sort of sweet-talking or negotiation or bribery.  Simple things like can brushing teeth, getting buckled into the pram or car, getting into a trolley or out of the trolley, walking up or down the stairs or round the shops without being carried, eating food at the table sans tantrums or food fights and spillage galore (my term for a pillage mixed with a spillage), going to bed in a big boy’s bed without a fight (as I am typing this Jon Jon is clawing at my notes and slamming into the keyboard with my mobile phone seconds from his teething mouth!!).

I’m telling you, after much frustration I have become quite insane but I am learning my own art of negotiation.  I must however mention that a little alcohol periodically does save my soul!  I think the tantrums and moaning, complaining and whining are also the catalyst for my permanent left eye crack addict twitch – might need to get me to a costume hire shop soon for one of those nifty pirate patches as I am starting to scare the other kids in the park – while Aiden is quite used to it now and merely recommended that “Mommy go to the doc-teh” to get myself seen to!

My son is indeed a savvy little negotiator, who often wins and gets to eat “bikkies” for breakfast and the like, but he has no idea that I am just “letting” him on occasion and that he’s dealing with one of the most switched on corporate lawyer moms in the business and that I don’t give up without a fight!


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