Mommy Oscar Award Speech

I know it might be a bit ambitious or premature of me now, but I thought it would be prudent to get this speech prepared and out-of-the-way now in case one day when I’m famous not only for being the best lawyer, but also for being recognised as one of the most exceptional mothers in the world, and I have to give an impromptu acceptance speech when I receive my award.

So here goes, my Mommy Oscar Award Speech.  Please forgive the schmaltz and corniness, but it’s the honest truth – as always.  You heard it here  first and please remember, if I’ve left you off the list, it’s not at all intentional, it’s just that I’ve got so many people to thank and so little time:

Thank you Cadbury’s for inventing the family size milk chocolate block. Not only does the “glass and a half of real full cream milk” in the daily slab I consume satisfy my daily calcium intake, it also pretty much assures me that osteoporosis is highly unlikely in my case.  And let’s not forget all the energy and good endorphins that the chocolate provides me with to get through each day and the most effective and readily available substitute to real food in my diet.

Thank you to my small, crappy 10-year-old white Toyota Corolla Accent Hatchback 2000 Model for being so reliable and not conking out on me and for letting me and the kids soil you with crackers, spilt water and babycinnos.  Yes, I know I curse you every time I have to haul the babies and the groceries in and out of you because you don’t have central-locking, not to mention that you are probably the only car on the road without a CD player, DVD player, electronic windows and a navigation system.  Yes, I know at times I am ashamed and embarrassed of you, but through it all you’ve always been there for me and I hope we will be together for many more years (unless of course your father decides we need to replace you with a Black BMW M5, which I doubt will happen anytime soon given current budgetary constraints).

Thank you to ABC TV morning cartoons.  You get me through every breakfast time and I love you because we have stayed with each other even when people thought we’d break up and I’d move on to cable network cartoons.  Yes, we went through a stage of watching DVDs but we are back together, and I love all your shows, not to mention your host “Jimmy Giggle” what a cutie. …

Thank you Bondi Beach.  You feed my soul and you always inspire me no matter what the weather.
Thank you for being 10 minutes’ walk from my house and for having such stunning views and interesting people all year round. Even though I hardly ever get to go for a swim on my own as I always have the kids, I can always dream of running down to the water and frolicking in the waves without a care in the world as I walk along the promenade.

Thank you to my donated Double Mountain Buggy Urban Elite – the best double pram built for 2 babies 18 months apart in age and weight.  I love you and will keep using you every day, weather and tires permitting.

Thank you Double Bay Library.  Call me “old school” but I still believe in the adventure of going out and borrowing books from the library, albeit that I wipe them all down with anti-bacterial wipes before handling at home.   Aiden loves the little ducklings and chicks on display and we love visiting on a Sunday as family – what a treat.

Thank you Large Skim Flat White Coffee with 3 Sugars.  I need you more than you know, sometimes I need you twice a day.

Thank you to anyone whose ever babysat for me – ever – you know who you are – even if you were irresponsible or cracked under the pressure or cost me a hundred bucks just so that I could go to a friend’s wedding on a Sunday night – at least you gave me a few hours of liberty and independence.

Thank you B – you are such a fun friend – my “getting though the day friend” – we have the best fun going out at night – and thanks for always helping when we are out during the day and there is some minor meltdown, malfunction or tantrum at the shopping centre with the kids – Ivy Pool here we come, girl!

Thank you to my firstborn son for always saying the most hysterical things. Your sense of humour delights and astounds me and  casts a ray of sunshine on me every day.  You have the best way of saying the things and seeing the world and I adore the way you express yourself (for example, when you called your puzzle with the gold locks “Goldilocks” that was priceless or that you love singing “Happy Birthday” to Jonny Bear every day!).  Now if only you would stop biting your baby brother so that he has teeth marks all over his 1-year-old body…

Thank you Jonny Bear for being such an easy-going, well -natured little darling.  Your laugh warms my heart.  Even though I have a sprained wrist from trying to contain your movements and prevent you from escaping, when I hold you in my arms while we cuddle and listen to lullabies on your ipod Nano, and you gaze into my eyes, your adorable face and smile and those sparkling, blue eyes make this whole gig worthwhile.

Thank you Google – you are the best medical search engine and help neurotic mothers like me find out things we should never know but are glad to know all the same.

Thank you historical fiction/ Elizabethan era novels, I love reading you and will never stop dreaming about the next time we can be together in a bubble bath with a glass of wine.  (Yes, sad and pathetic I know….)

Thank you mom – for passing on your “skinny-after-giving-birth-genes” to me.  I always thought it was the breastfeeding until I read recently that not everyone loses weight from breastfeeding.  With both my boys I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight within 1 week of giving birth – amazing hey!  And now I weigh less than I have my whole entire adult life – no crash diets, nothing, just looking after 2 babies and eating heaps of chocolate  – and really, really good genes.

Finally, as they say in Hollywood “don’t forget the little people”.  So of course, I want to thank my baby boys and my husband because without you 3 in my life, well, I wouldn’t have been nominated for this award in the first place at all, so thank you, I love you so much.   xxx


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3 thoughts on “Mommy Oscar Award Speech

  1. Really hate to break it to you, but unfortunately you get beaten by me on the night (in vintage Chanel no less)!

    Get that crappy car over to my place sooner rather than later.

    xoxo

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