Today I returned to work after an almost 18-month maternity-leave stint. (Breathe, sip, Breathe…)
Sufficed to say I could not sleep one wink last night, even though I had outsourced my baby to grandma and my firstborn was soundly asleep, for the first time in a long time.
I have just been so anxious leading up to my return to work that I worry all the time. I think my anxiety stems mainly from a culmination of worrying about who was going to look after my babies, how we were going to manage the logistics of drop-off and collection from daycare as well as afternoon care as well as my level of competency after popping out 2 babies in less than 3 years. Fortunately, my very capable mother undertook to look after the little guy when my big boy was at pre-school but there was still the looming issue of who was going to look after both babies in the afternoon. I know I would never leave my children in the trust of a complete stranger (even if they’re asleep), hence my instructions to my mother – Caution: Contents Fragile – Handle with care.
I think things will be OK so long as I just surrender to the process and try not to be too hard on myself at work.
So now this full-time stay-at-home mom of two-under-2 has metamorphosised into a part-time mom on a “flexible work option” (refer to the Firm Kit for full details!) at a mid-tier Sydney law firm trying to earn a small, albeit stale, crust for the family unit and maintain my sanity to the best of my ability.
One thing I am truly glad about is that I managed to cross most of the items off on my “Maternity Leave Bucket List” before I returned to work today.
The highlight of my “Maternity Bucket List” sign-off came last night when I performed a midnight exorcism of my crammed wardrobe “Oprah style” and managed to declutter my shelves and compress 7 years of outdated clothes,bags and shoes into 6 oversized garbage bags. Surprisingly, I was even able to fit into my old suits circa early 2000’s. Hopefully, with a bit of “jouging” I will be back to my old “don’t F$# with me -corporate lawyer” self in no time (even though my husband laughed at my work outfit when I tried it on for him last night and told me that I looked like a try-hard Reese Witherspoon on a mission to save Brewster!)
The only thing that I didn’t fulfil on “the List” was to become fabulously famous for mom-blogging and being a particularly stand-out, cynical stay-at-home mom in a million. To be fair, I only had 17 months to achieve fame and fortune, and without the benefit of a paid publicist and the necessary spare time to dedicate to my aspirations of being a celebrity mom I have to be realistic and settle with the fact that it would take more manpower and representation to kick this career off to a proper start.
Therefore…The Maternity Bucket List will have to be re-visited to completely cross-off all the remaining items of note. Like – spending more me-time with me, getting my long-awaited pedicure (haven’t had a pedicure since before my last baby was born) etc.
Perhaps I’ll get a chance to review and add to if I get knocked up again? Who knows?
But for now, I have to be content with my greatest achievements on “the List” so far – my two incredible, too-amazing-to-express-in-words baby boys.